


I can help

by moonice20408



Category: NCIS
Genre: Canon Death, Character Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:11:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonice20408/pseuds/moonice20408
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's thoughts on everything between 'Shabbat Shalom' and 'Shiva' (10x11 and 10x12).</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can help

Gibbs left the room. My head turned, and I gazed upon the Israeli woman for a long moment.

Her arms wrapped around the man's body, her face pressed to his hair… Her cry for her father echoed around in my head. I'd never heard such a desperate sound; the fact it came from Ziva broke my heart. But what could I do?

I knew what this would do to her. She'd close herself up... again. Every time anyone got to even half way to understanding her, something would happen, and we would be thrown back to the start...

She loved her father. Of course she did! She just didn't want to… And now he's gone.

Her hands pulled her father closer to her, and she whispered things only he would have understood between quiet sobs.

I sighed and looked to the ground.

She doesn't want me here.

I looked up, following Gibbs out; McGee a second behind me.  
________________________________________

The three of us waited outside. Officers tried to get in the house. Gibbs told them to wait.

I shoved me hands in my coat pockets, and stood still, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

The front of the house was in ruins. Bullet holes in the wooden door, windows and plant pots: shattered. Some of the neighbours had ventured out of their homes, stood on the road wrapped in their jackets.

I'm not sure how long I'd stood in silence. My eyes had been staring at the patch on grass shooting through the drive, and I'd stopped listening... well I don't know when. What pulled me back was a phone. It was Gibbs's.

The man quickly pressed it to his ear, not looking at the name. "Leon?"

While he listened to what Vance was saying, I noticed McGee wasn't where he once was.

I scanned the area.

He was stood in the doorway of the house, frowning at an officer who was stood on the steps in front of him.

He was trying to get inside.

I was proud of Tim, not that I'd tell him that. His frown deepened as the officer tried to step around him, but McGee put his hand on his shoulder and shoved him backwards. His voice rose a little, although I couldn't tell exactly what he was saying, but the officer - a good few inches taller than McGee - turned angrily after a slight hesitation.  
Tim was better at this than he thought he was.

"McGee! DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted walking towards me, and McGee quickly joined. "That was Leon."

"Is Jackie okay?" Tim asked.

"They, err, they're not sure yet. She's just gone into surgery."

We were all silent.

I turned to face the house, and I could feel Gibbs's eyes on me. "Come on." He said.

"W-Where we goin' boss?" McGee questioned

"Hospital. Now." He said walking away.

It took a moment for me to register what he had just said. "What about Ziva?"

It came out louder than I thought it would.

But I meant it.

Gibbs turned to look at me straight in the eye. He had that look. The look saying he knew something that no one else did. I was expecting him to yell, but he was calm... "She doesn't want us there DiNozzo. She's gonna do what she has to… come back when she's ready. When she does… you don't let her out of your sight."

I nodded once.

He said not to let her out of my sight… Right?

Gibbs walked away, with me and McGee following behind. He stopped next to the officer McGee had pushed away.  
"No one goes into that house, until she's come out. Understand." Not a question, but Gibbs walked away before the officer could even think of a response.

Gibbs got into his car, while me and McGee took mine. The roads were fairly empty, but the drive to the hospital seemed twice as long as it normally did. Maybe I was just trying to drag out time, and by the time we got to the hospital, Mrs. Vance would be awake and okay and Ziva would have made her way home or maybe to the squad room…

I sighed.  
________________________________________

The journey lugged on, and the car eventually came to a stop.

The three of us got out the cars, silently walking into the reception.

There were a few people dotted around the room, but I didn't pay them much notice.

Gibbs flashed his ID to the woman behind the desk. "Jackie Vance?"

The woman was still for a moment. You could almost hear the cogs turning, before she realised 'relatives only' wasn't an answer. Her hands quickly typed something on the computer. "Third floor. Operating room 2E…"

Gibbs had already made it to the door before me and McGee followed.

As soon as we were in the small waiting room, Gibbs walked right up to the glass door labelled 'EMERGENCY', seeing if anyone was there. Apparently not. He took a few steps backwards, and stood still, still facing the door.

I stood by McGee at the back of the room.

We were quiet again.

My thought returned back to Ziva. Was she still at the house? Or had she gone home, or to the office, or…? I sighed.

"Do," My voice was rough, "Do Abby and Ducky know what's happening yet?" My eyes still looking at the back of Gibbs's head.

"Umm, I don't think so." McGee spoke quietly. "I'll… I'll go give them a call." He took his phone out, and began to walk out the room.

"Wait!" I hissed. I quickly turned to face him.

"What?"

"Try and, err… Try and call…"

"Ziva?"

I nodded.

"I'll try." His voice was honest. He wanted to make sure she was okay too.

"Thanks Tim."

He nodded before turning away.  
________________________________________

McGee walked back into the room after at least 40 minutes. Or maybe it just felt that long… Nothing had changed. Boss was where he was before, so was I…

I looked at him waiting for answers.

He stood next to me again, and spoke quietly. "I called Abby. She's devastated. But she's going to tell Ducky, and they'll be here as soon as they can…"

"And Ziva?" I pressed.

He looked down for a second. "Nothing. She won't pick up… But can you blame her?"

I sighed and shook my head.

I needed to know where she was, and how she was… what she was doing…

…Why do I need to know? This is Ziva we're talking about!

I sighed again.

"Don't worry Tony. She'll come back when she's ready." He repeated the boss's words.

The two of us went to get coffee. We offered to get some for Gibbs. To start with, he just said 'No', as time went on, his 'No' became a shake of the head. Then he just stopped answering altogether.

His phone started ringing. He just quickly looked at the screen and closed the phone again, shoving it back in his pocket. Neither I nor McGee knew who it was, but we didn't ask either. Whoever it was kept ringing back though. McGee figured it was SECNAV.

I tried calling Ziva from my phone, when McGee went for more coffee, stupidly thinking she might pick up if it were me calling. But no. Course not. Why would she?  
________________________________________  
I told McGee I wanted some air, went outside and leant back on one of the walls.

I ran my hands though my hair and rubbed my face, trying to wake myself up. My head fell backwards and my eyes closed.

Bad idea.

Ziva's cry began to fill my head again, the image of her falling to the floor.

Me stood doing nothing…

I grumbled under my breath, taking the cell from my pocket, dialling her number again.

Voicemail.

I just hung up. What was I supposed to say over voicemail?

I must of stood there silently for 20 minutes, before heading back inside.

The warmth of the building hit me as I walked through the doors again, I didn't realise how cold I'd gotten. I made my way back to the waiting room; McGee wasn't there, boss was though. Still in exactly the same spot.

I reclaimed my own spot at the back of the room and stood quietly again.

It was a while before McGee came back. He was right, it was SECNAV calling. At least he didn't say anything.

Seconds later, Ducky came from around the corner, with Abby on his arm.

The four of us left after Ducky suggested it, leaving Gibbs on his own.  
________________________________________

The lobby was empty now, only the receptionist was there- a different one from when we first arrived.  
Both Duck and McGee sat down, while I stood leant back on the wall opposite the door we just came from. Abby, being Abby, paced up and down the small room muttering to herself "Jackie's going to be fine," gesturing with her hands, whilst something metal clinked as she moved.

She stopped suddenly after a few moments. Her hands came up and she pointed to nothing, and span on her heal to face the rest of us.

"Where's Ziva?" The concerned goth's eyes looked to McGee, then locked onto mine.

I sighed. "I dunno Abbs."

She frowned at me. "What do you mean you don't know?" Her voice got a little louder.

My temper rose, as much as I loved Abby, and I knew I'd regret yelling, how could she think I knew where she was by now.

Ducky spoke before I could, in his calming voice. "Abigail." She looked away from me to the older man. "I know your concern. But let's not start to get angry at one another at a time like this. Ziva will come to us when she feels she's ready. I think we all know she's more than capable to look after herself."

Abby's shoulders dropped and she looked back to me apologetically. Before I knew it, Abby had her arm awkwardly around me, since I was still leaning on the wall. I stood up and returned the hug, letting the anger wash away.

We let go, but I kept one arm around her shoulders, and she kept one around my back, and we both fell back onto the wall.

She returned to muttering to herself, her grip around me would tighten and loosen every few moments.

I looked to Ducky. His eyes were on the clock. It had been about 2 hours since me and McGee arrived.

Was that all?

I sighed.

We stood for another 10 minutes, before the door opening, making the four of us jump a little.

Gibbs came out, followed by a red-eyed Leon Vance.

Oh no.

Ducky and McGee stood up.

When to two men stayed quiet, Abby let out a gasp and her free hand went to her mouth.

Gibbs looked to us all, and put his hand on Vance's shoulder. "Let's go home."

Leon was guided out by Gibbs, and the rest of us followed out. Abby and I kept the one arm around each other, with her other hand she took Tim's, and Ducky walked beside me.

Vance was still, he'd arrived in the ambulance, not his car.

"C'mon." Gibbs said to him.

We all watched as Leon got into the car without a word.

Gibbs looked at us all quickly, "Go home." He said, and got into the car himself.

The four of us watched as they drove away.

We were still until the car was out of sight.

After a few more quiet moments, Abby quickly let go of me and McGee and walked forward with her head down.

She was looking at her hands.

"Err, Abby?" McGee questioned.

"Shh!" Her phone was pressed to her ear. She sighed, pressed a button again and put it back to her ear.

Ziva.

"She's not going to pick up Abby." I told her.

"She has to!" She dialled the number again.

I walked over to her, and gently took the phone from her hand. "Not tonight Abbs." I held the phone out.

She pouted, and slowly took the cell from my hand.

"Abigail," Ducky said, "let me take you back home. I'm sure she'll show up tomorrow." He looked to me, then to McGee. "How are you both getting home?"

"I can drop McGee off." I looked to him.

He nodded. "Thanks."

Ducky nodded. "Goodnight gentlemen."

"Night Ducky." McGee said.

Abby walked forwards, giving both me and Tim a hug, and leaving with Ducky. Her face lit up with the light from her cell. I just rolled my eyes and turned to McGee.

"Come on."  
________________________________________

The ride to McGee's was again slow. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us wanted to. What were we supposed to say anyway?  
I found a space outside of McGee's building and pulled up. I stared out of the window. I could feel him looking at me.

"Err, thanks, Tony…"

"…Yeah." I didn't look back to him.

He sighed. "Look, Tony, you don't have any reason to worry about her…"

"I know that McGee. I mean it's Ziva. I just… I'm…"

 

"…Worried about what it will do to her?" I nodded. "Don't think you're the only one. I mean, what? You think I don't care about her? She's one of my best friends DiNozzo."

I sighed. He was right. "I know. Sorry… But why do I feel so… responsible to look after her?" I said still looking out the window.  
McGee took a deep breath. "I think you know the answer to that."

I turned to look at him.

He held his look for a second before getting out the car. "Night DiNozzo."

"Night." I muttered, although he'd already shut the door.

I remained sat in my car for a while, replying the ending to that conversation in my head. I didn't know… but the tiniest part of my head knew; I just couldn't understand it…

I just shook my head and drove home.

I shut the door behind me, threw my coat on the sofa, put my gun away and fed Kate. I went into my bedroom, sat on the bed and kicked of my shoes. I let my body fall sideways so my head hit the pillow, and I rolled onto my back. I just rested there for a while…

Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep.

My body shot up and my arm automatically hit the alarm. I wasn't fully even fully aware of what I was doing until I noticed the sun shining through the blinds and lighting the room.

I frowned. I was still fully clothed.

I looked at the clock. 06:00am. My frown deepened.

I'd fallen asleep?

Well it didn't feel like it.

Ziva!

Everything from the previous night suddenly flooded my head, and I practically jumped from my bed, very awake. The sudden weight on my still sleeping legs caused me to fall. But I quickly scrambled up and went into the living room. I went straight for my coat and took out my phone from my pocket.

Nothing.

My shoulders dropped slightly.

I tried calling her. Again.

Voicemail.

I threw the cell onto the sofa, and walked into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge door. Basically empty. But I grabbed the half carton of milk and gulped a few mouthfuls down, and returned the carton.

I quickly made my way into the bathroom and had a quick shower, and searching for some clean clothes.

My eyes quickly glanced at the clock as I put on my coat and grabbed my cell, gun and bag, 06:39.

Ziva would be in by now.

Ziva should be in by now… right?

I sighed and left the apartment.  
________________________________________

I was in the car for 20 minutes before I arrived at work. Part of me was begging for Ziva to be just sat at her desk.

Well the elevator doors opened, my eyes looked over. First thing I noticed was Abby stood in front of McGee's desk. So they were both here. Boss was nowhere to be seen.

…Neither was Ziva.

I sighed.

Abby and McGee turned around when they heard me put my bag down.

"Tony!" Abby moved as quickly as she could in her platform boots and put her arms around me.

"Morning Abbs."

I knew what was coming. But sometimes it's just best to let Abby run her steam.

"Have you heard from Ziva yet?" Her eyes grew wider and her voice was too fast and too loud for me to fully take in what she was saying at this time in the morning. "I tried calling her most of last night, but she didn't answer, plus, I started to think she might have gone to sleep, you know, it had been a really tough day for her… I mean it was her father… So I went to sleep too." She frowned a little. But then she took in a gasp of air, before starting again. "But then I called her again this morning when I woke up, I mean it was the first thing I did, and she still didn't answer Tony!" Her hand pointed to Ziva's desk. "And she's not here! Ziva's always the first one here. Always! And I tried calling Gibbs. Okay, yeah… he answered… eventually. He's fine by the way, and Vance is with his kid's, and aw! They must be devastated, they're so young…" She trailed of, frowning with her hands in fists under her chin.

I looked at her for a second before she let out a deep breath and hugged me again.

"Where is she Tony?" She said in a tiny voice.

My eyes quickly flashed to McGee.

"What?" He asked.

I moved from Abby's arms and stood behind McGee's desk. Abby followed. "Can you track her cell?"

"Ziva's?"

I rolled my eyes. "No McGee, the Queen of England's. Yes Ziva's!"

Tim just shrugged it off and started typing on his computer. "If it's turned on…"

After a few seconds, a map showed up with a red dot on it. The map zoomed in and an address that I didn't recognise showed up. "Well where's that McGee?" I straightened up slightly.

"It," He spoke as he typed something. "is a…" Realisation seemed to cover his face.

"What McGee?"

"A synagogue."

I mentally slapped the back of my head, and muttered under my breath.

Cause that's where she'd go! How did I- we- not think of that!

"Tony!" Abby said accusingly.

"What?"

"Go get her!" And before I could say anything the goth had grabbed a hold of arm, pulled my in front of her, then started pushing me to the elevator. I went to press the button, but she slapped my hand away and almost put a hole in the wall doing it for me.  
When the doors opened, she pushed me inside and I turned around. Her eyes narrowed.

"You don't come back unless she's with you."

She's known Gibbs too long.

But I nodded at her.

Well, I wanted her back too.

Her narrowed eyes stayed on mine till the metal door shut between us.  
________________________________________

I sped down the roads in the car, only slowing when I was on the right street. The synagogue came into view when I was half way down the road. I parked up and ran across the road, and through the doors.

When I was inside, I realised I'd never been in a synagogue before, whereas Ziva probably came here on a regular basis. Never mind all the others she's been to before she moved here.

Maybe I didn't know her as well as I thought I did…

I mean, I've never really spoke to her about her beliefs before… I know a little about the religion, but…

I walked slowly through another set of doors. There was quiet music playing from somewhere, but it got even quieter as I walked through a narrow corridor.

I had no idea which way I was supposed to go.

Someone came from around the corner at the end of the corridor. The Rabbi.

"You look lost young man." He said with a friendly tone.

"Oh, err, yes. I was looking for a friend of mine."

"Ziva, by any chance?"

I nodded.

He lifted a hand, gesturing for me to follow him from the corridor he had come from.

"She's a wonderfully kind woman. Although, there have been times I've found her very… difficult to understand." He told me.  
"Yeah… tell me about it." I said quietly.

The rabbi stopped and pointed through a small window in a door. "I got the sense she needed to be alone with her prayers."  
I nodded at the man. "Thank you."

He nodded once in return. "Come and find me if you need anything."

With that, he left again.

I moved to get a clear look through the glass.

I sighed at what I saw. She was sat alone with her hands by her face.

I didn't want to go in and interrupt her, but I didn't want to leave her in there either.

I stood for a few moments. She didn't move.

Then the door opened, less than a centimetre. I frowned, I was barely touching it, and there was no draft.

I looked up, still frowning.

Maybe… it's a sign… I thought to myself.

I opened the door.


End file.
